DAY 8: Instant Mom
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Patty Schultz, is the Media Specialist at Aims Community College in Greeley, CO and serves on the Dream Team in the nursery at Mosaic Church. Patty is a loving wife and also the step-mother of two beautiful young ladies.
“He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.” Psalm 145:19, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” Psalm 37:4
Can I be honest? Mother’s Day is one of the hardest days of the year for me and I feel absolutely guilty about this. I have the most amazing mom ever but I spend the day grieving. Usually in tears, feeling sad, empty and like I failed at womanhood. I am barren. I mean what kind of woman can’t get pregnant and have a child? It’s what we were made to do!
Ever since I was a little girl all I ever wanted to be was a mom. Some little girls want to be teachers, nurses, doctors, artists or even adventurers. All I ever dreamed of growing up to be was a mom. That has always been the deepest desire of my heart. Scripture tells us that if we trust and fear the Lord, He will grant us the desires of our hearts.
As the years went by and I watched my friends start families the pangs of envy began to eat at me. Of course it was going to happen for me, I just had to wait for my time. I repeatedly had my doctors check me to see if there was something wrong that was preventing me from having the deepest desire of my heart. Everything always looked normal. But I was never able to conceive. As more years crept by and my biological clock began to tick louder and louder I wasn’t even able to attend a baby shower without being devastated for days after.
“Why hasn’t God granted me the desire of my heart?”
I have tried to get past these feelings. I know God is in control and that He has a plan for me that is good.
I know that, “God will make rivers on barren heights.” Isaiah 41:18
The Lord has blessed me with two wonderful step-daughters. We love each other and have a great relationship. One day while I was lamenting my barrenness God gave me a message in the form of a parable.
I had a small rose plant that someone had given me as a gift but the pot it was planted in was too small and I needed to put it into something larger. I searched through my collection of gardening supplies but wasn’t able to find a suitable pot. I did, however, find an old plastic tub that I had been saving that was the perfect size. I popped a few holes in the bottom for drainage and filled it with dirt to make a new home for my rose. As I was transplanting my rose I had this overwhelming message resound in my heart: “ It doesn’t matter if the vessel you are given to plant in isn’t exactly what you had planned, the seeds (plant) will still grow and can thrive if you nurture it.”
So my step daughters may not be the children I dreamed of having. And it is still painful when people tell me that I am a mom because of them when my heart aches for my own flesh of my flesh. But God has provided me with these children and it is my job to plant His seeds in them so that He can make them grow.
Dear ladies who are struggling with motherhood, you are not alone. I don’t have the answer on how to totally let it go but I know that God loves me and He loves you. I know that He wants you to have joy in your life but He will comfort you in your pain.
Jesus, you know our hearts deepest desires. You are so personal like that. I pray for the woman who is reading this and longing for her dreams to be fulfilled. Would you meet her in the barren places of her heart? Would you bring comfort to her aching heart? Thank you for the promises we can cling to in difficult times and the reminder that we have been given vessels to fill all around us. In Jesus Name, Amen.